Funny Jokes For Kids, written by Kids
Here are a few jokes for kids that were written by kids. All of these jokes are two liner jokes in question and answer format. Some of them also contains a puns (a pun on words). A pun is the use of different possible meanings for a word or using words that sound alike but don’t mean the same thing.
For example, if someone tells you a pun you could respond by saying “You’re not very punny”.
Q: What does my dog do when he goes to bed?
A: He reads a bite-time story.
Q: What do dogs do when watching a DVD?
A: They press paws.
Q: Why can’t dogs drive?
A: They can’t find a barking space.
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: It was not peeling very well.
Q: Why did the burglar rob a bakery?
A: He needed the dough.
Q: What vitamin helps you to see?
A: Vitamin C.
Q: Why did the ice cream cone take karate lessons?
A: It was tired of getting licked.
Q: How do you make fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match.
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: He held up a pair of pants.
Q: How to hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts.
Q: Why can’t you tell a joke while you’re standing on ice?
A: Because it might crack up.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth.
A: A gummy bear.
Q: Where do you put barking dogs?
A: In a barking lot.
Q: Why didn’t Cinderella make the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with.
Q: Who can shave six times a day and still have a beard.
A: A Barber.
Q: What stays in the corner but goes around the world?
A: A stamp.
Q: Where do burgers like to dance.
A: A meatball.
Q: What day to chickens hate most.
Q: What kind of shoes to frogs wear?
A: Open Toad.
Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age.
Q: Why don’t ducks ever have spare change?
A: They only carry bills.
Q: Why was the math book sad.
A: It had too many problems.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q: Where do mummies go swimming?
A: The Dead Sea.
Q: What do rabbits do when they get married?
A: They go on a bunnymoon.
Q: What do you get when an bad rabbit sits on your hair?
A: A dad dare Day.
Q: What kind of table can you eat?
A: A vege-table,
Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
Q: Why did the girl nibble on her calender?
A: She wanted a sundae.
Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers.
Q: What happens when you tell an egg a kids joke like this one?
A: It cracks up.
Q: What do you take before a meal?
A: A seat.
Q: What looks like half a donkey.
A: The other half of a donkey.
Q: How does a lion greet other animals in wild?
A: Please to eat you.
Q: What do you call a woman who crawls up walls?
Q: What did the tree wear to the beach party?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling a bit green.
Q: What kind of tree can you put in your hand?
A: A palm tree.
Q: How to trees connect with the internet?
A: They log in.
Q: What kind of fruit to trees like the most?
Q: What to elephants and trees have in common.
A: They both have trunks.
Q: What did the chef name is son?
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A: A stick.
Q: Where do horses live?
A: In neigh-borhoods.
Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback.
Q: Why did the melon jump in the lake.
A: He wanted to be a watermelon.
Q: Why did the opera singer go sailing.
A: Because she wanted to hit the high C’s.
Q: Why was the basketball game so hot?
A: Because all the fans left.
Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil.
Q: Why was the girl sitting on her watch.
A: Because she wanted to be on time.
Q: What animal can jump higher than a house?
A: Any animal. A house can’t jump.
Q: How do you spot a modern spider?
A: He doesn’t have a web, he has a website.
Q: What are the strongest creatures in the ocean?
Q: Why are pianos hard to open?
A: The keys are inside.
Q: When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time.
Q: Why do cowboys ride horses?
A: Because they are too heavy to carry.
Q: Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
A: To see how long he slept.
Q: Why did the girl give her pony cough syrup?
A: It was a little horse.
Q: What did the lawyer name is daughter?
Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Q: How do you mend a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Q: What’s the only school where you have to drop out to graduate?
A: Skydiving school.
Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
What did the fishing rod say to the boat?
Canoe help me with my homework?
Why can't you do your calculus homework on a Friday night?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Why don't you do arithmetic homework in the jungle?
Because if you add 4+4 you get ate.
What did the dog say to his classmate?
"Can I copy your homework, I ate mine."
What did the cheerleader say when she was given more homework?
Bring It On.
What do you call a man who can do a years worth of homework in two weeks?
Why don't fish need to do homework?
Because they're always swimming in schools.
Why do people do homework?
Because it doesn't know how to do it itself.
Why can't you do homework faster than Rachael Leigh Cook?
Because "She's All That".
Dewey really have homework on the first day?
Howl we finish our homework on time?
Canoe help me with my home work.
My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they're like, "It wasn't that hard."
I would do my math homework, but I've already got my own problems.
I was a thirty something frat boy and I never had homework, but that was at my "Old School".
If school isn't a place to sleep then home isn't a place to study.
I wanted to turn in my bartending homework, but I was absinthe.
Biology Teacher: "Students, what does the chiken give you?"
Student(s): Eggs and Meat!
Teacher: "Great! What dose the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Excellent! Now what does the fat cow give you?"
SCHOOL: 2 + 2 = 4.
HOMEWORK: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
EXAM: Matthew has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the sun's mass.
What do pigs give you?
What do goats give you?
What do cows give you?
Teacher says to little Mary, "I want you draw a picture of a house"
Little Mary says "That must be my HOMEwork"
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
One day I went into school all puzzled and said to my teacher "Miss will i get into trouble for something i havent done ?"
She said "No why"
I said " Because I havent done my homework.
Pick Up Lines
I wish I was your calculus homework, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.
If you were my homework Id do you all over my desk
Is your name homework? 'Cause I'm not doing you, but I should be.